You Should Be Ashame-ed
Lyrics by David Cameron Anderson, Davecamson Music ASCAP
Music by Billy Philadelphia, Dim Sum Music BMI

The anteaters took to lasagna
The bears are enjoying tofu
You convince-ed the vultures to try yogurt cultures
You had to have Unicorn stew?
The foxes were fine eating falafel
You'd forbidden the termites to chew
Though it took some finagling, the lions are bageling
YOU had to have Unicorn stew?

You should be ashame-ed, my husband, my Noah
(In a voice heard all over the boat)
It was A Number One on the list of the rules you proclaime-ed before we set float
You should be ashame-ed, my husband, my Noah
(in a voice that was heard stern to bow)
You insisted from Aardvark to Zebra - not a one could be turned into chow!

The cows were the first to suspect it
Not content just to chew on their cuds
Their meal of fried grunions was light on the onions
And their galley was missing some spuds
Then this morning you went without breakfast
Your grin just a little too wide
You dismissed both the ferrets who griped of lost carrots
It was clear you had something to hide
And then how 'bout THIS piece of the puzzle -
At role call we all found it queer
From their place in the queues they had answered in twos
But for a singular Unicorn, "Here!"

You should be ashame-ed, my husband, my Noah
Though the penguins were happy to serve
Not a snail or alligatah could wind up under feta
to become anybody's hors d'oeurve
You should be ashame-ed, my husband, my Noah
For these are your words - and I quote,
"If a one of God's critters is turned into fritters -
I won't rest until someone's been smote!"

No argument came from her husband
He was guilty as charged, and contrite
The stress of the voyage had brought out his boyage
He'd had a wild Saturday night!
Over time it appeared she forgave him
As did the rest of the crew
He was frugal at least - made good use of the beast
And the Missus made use of it too!

You should be ashame-ed, my husband, my Noah
(in a voice now reduced to a hush)
For he modeled the coat that he'd made from the skin
And the sight, frankly, made her quite flush
You really can't be blame-ed, my husband, my Noah
To have done such a thing with the horn!
And the way the coat's cut
really shows off your butt!
(spoken) I love a man in Unicorn!