Your Father and I Have Been Talking
Lyrics by David Cameron Anderson, Davecamson Music ASCAP
Music by Steven Landau, Stevepno Music ASCAP

Your Father and I have been talking
We thought you were good in that play
But we think you should stop all those lessons
You're throwing your money away
If they ask movie stars, can they tap dance
they tell a small fib and say, "Yes!"
Then they put out the money for classes
They get by with spending far less!

Of course this is just a suggestion
What you do is not our affair
Spend like a Gottrocks if that makes you happy!
We only butt in 'cause we care!

We think you should purchase a hairpiece
We've noticed you've started to thin
Hey! How about joining that hair club
That can't be too hard to get in!
When you were last home you met Mildred
You insisted on wearing that hat!
She could hardly believe that you're forty!
"Such a young face", she said! Think about that!

Of course this is just a suggestion
What you do is not our affair
Look like Yul Brynner if that makes you happy
We only butt in 'cause we -
Tell me son, are you paying attention?
I try to help - you just stare into space
At least back in high school I knew you were listening
When you'd shout, "Mom, get off of my case!"

You're Father and I have been talking
Remember that time you met Cher?
Can't you pick up the phone and just call her?
I'll bet she'll get you a job somewhere!

Of course this is just a suggestion
What you do is not our affair!
Don't get discovered if that makes you happy
We only butt in 'cause we think you're too thin, and you don't have a job and you live like a slob and your rent check is late and you don't have a mate and you've run out of hair and you're going NOWHERE!
We only butt in 'cause we care!
(spoken) Will we see you at Christmas?