Not For the Squeamish
Lyrics by David Cameron Anderson, Davecamson Music ASCAP
Music by Albert Hague

I'm a card-carting member of a much maligned herd
We are called many things, not the least of which is 'nerd'
We lack recognition and also, esteem
So this is for me and for my fellow squeam
(spoken) the squeamish explained

When the squeamish get dreamish there are no bugs about
No blood on our clothing, no snot in our snout
We're served fish in restaurants without any scales
And no one, but no one who's near us eats snails!
If, by chance, you've invited the squeamish to eat
You'd be wise to avoid serving anything's feet
And if it's got eyes, or a nose or a tail
You'd be smart to provide for your squeamish - a pail!

I contend there are squeamish of varying degrees
There are those that get screamish and buckle at the knees
And then there are those who won't get quick as sick
But they'll squinch up their nose and politely say, "Ick!"

If you're dating a squeamish and want to call quits
Just show us your corns or your warts or your zits
Face our direction whenever you sneeze
Offer to give our stray nose hairs a tweeze

We're mistaken for crybabies, whiners or nuts
Or we're meek little things with no moxie or guts
That we're misunderstood is the best of the lot
For there's nothing that's for us and plenty that's not!

The squeamish will make you the bestest of friends
But belch up your breakfast and see how fast it ends
And unless you've got cartons of Lysol to lose
I'd advice you not ask us to walk in your shoes
From disgust or distaste all God's squeamish will squint
If you ever make mention of bellybutton lint
You can try it, and odds are you'll hear, "Thanks a bunch!"
Or you might wind up wearing the squeamish's lunch

At Six Flags I'll admit that we're easy to spot
We're the ones in our cars in the parking lot
And while you're on the coaster, your hands in the air
We're riding the choo-choo train - Devil may care!

To witness the purist of pure squeamish wrath
Be sure to point out any snakes in our path
Hand us a toothbrush and, once we have brushed,
Tell us you grabbed it before it got flushed!
Ugh!
I'm afraid my attempt to explain us in song
Has crossed over the line and gone horribly wrong
For although my intentions were cake and ice creamish
I've created just one more thing - not for the squeamish!
No no no noÊ Not for the squeamish!