Maury  
Lyrics by David Cameron Anderson, Davecamson Music ASCAP
Music by DCA, David Robison

Maury,  I am ten months old. I'm backstage in a crib
I'm lying in your waiting room. I sure could use a bib
The drool is dripping on my shirt, a camera's in my face
Onstage a man is screaming and my Mom's a basket case
He's convinced I'm not his kid, he never comes around
She's going to prove I'm his and thinks that he'll be honor bound.   
He calls her a slut. She calls him a fag.
Maury, all this trailer talk is clearly not my bag

Maury I'm not happy!    Maury I've got gas!
When God said Evolution both my parents took a pass
Maury I'm not happy!   Maury Intervene!
I don't like either one of them their stupid and their mean

I look at these two people and how they come across
with just four teeth between them  who will teach me how to floss????
Maury I am ten months old. I truly am afraid
The test results are in your hands  - the science card's been played
The ins and outs of DNA someday I'll comprehend
If by some miracle I discover PBS
So what if I am his? Does that mean he's my new best friend?
Can't science find a way to save me from this mess??

Maury I'm not happy!  Maury I've got gas!
When God said 'Evolution' both my parents took a pass
Maury I'm not happy! Maury, where to start?
It's little but I swear I've got a baby broken heart!!