I'm the Law
Lyrics by David Cameron Anderson, Davecamson Music ASCAP
Music by Ritt Henn, Box of Stuff Music BMI

When I was seventeen I had an image in my mind
of what my future regimen would be
I'd be fielding calls from Speilberg, Sondheim, Spelling and their kind
Broadway, motion pictures, or TV?
Twenty five years later on the brink of public aid
and, truth to tell, in psychological distress
Although a bit outside my field, I found a job and I got paid
and also found my inner jerk, I must confess
Although the hours were long and lonely
I look back most gratefully
of my years spent undercover
corporate spy for KFC

I'm Gonna check those mashed potatoes
Are they creamy smooth and hot
Gonna check the roast for blood on the bone
Is it cooked clear through? or not
Gonna stick my finger past the knuckle down into the slaw
If it's frozen, limp, or overdressed - I got ya ! I'm the law

Gonna buy myself a pot pie
With a bored look on my face
Gonna act like I'm a laborer
Just lunchin' in this place
For dessert I'll have the cream parfait IF it's had time to thaw
If not, I dock ya Three whole points! it's my pleasure - I'm the law

I'm face deep in the honey glaze
I'm knee deep in the trash
I'm diligent and hard to please
for thirteen dollars cash
Although I can't take prisoners and THAT sticks in my craw
You'll rue the day you sold a broken bisquit to the law

I'm checkin under toilet seats
For smudges, stains or smears
I'm sniffin' out wrongdoers -
Perhaps I'll change careers
What need have I for Shakespeare or Miss Pribisco's Ballet Class?
When I can make a living while I'm kickin' me some chicken ass?

I'm face deep in the honey glaze
I'm knee deep in the trash
I'm diligent and hard to please
for thirteen dollars cash
Although I can't take prisoners and THAT sticks in my craw
You'll rue the day you sold some paltry poultry to the law
(sadly) Although the Colonel's passed away and THAT still has me raw
(back to tempo) I swear he's sleepin' easier since I've become the law!