I'm Pretty Mad
Lyrics by David Cameron Anderson, Davecamson Music ASCAP
Music by Steven Landau (adapted from J.S. Bach), Stevepno Music ASCAP

I bought the suit
I bought the tie
That TV ad
Was such a lie
I'm still a nerd
This side of odd
Like Peabody or Ichabod
I joined the gym
I took the class
I bought the tape
For abs and ass
I'm still a geek
Folks say, "So what?"
To buns of steel
And muscled gut

Now here's the part I figure out
That looks are not what life's about
And if I don't
It's really sad
But still and all
I'm pretty mad!

I read the book
I saw the pic
A bloody mess
It made me sick
I'm still a dork
I'm just no fun
When movie stars
pick up a gun
I swung the bat
I kicked the ball
I swallowed lots
of alcohol
I'm still a dweeb
so what's the use
of playing games
and self-abuse

I know you're thinking,
"Get a life!"
I did, guess what?
I'm Barney Fife!
Now all that's left
For me to do
Is go and find my Thelma Lou!

Now this is where I sweetly swear
To thank the Lord for missing hair
To tell Him, "Life, it ain't so bad!"
But still and all
I'm pretty mad!